i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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