Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
