I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Randomize
