his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Randomize
