so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
