How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
