At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
