But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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