the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
