remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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