i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
