We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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