if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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