New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Randomize
