i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
