Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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