Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
