I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
