STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
