i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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