Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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