god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
