if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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