you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
