barbara walters just said penis...
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
