she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Randomize
