I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
