Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
