She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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