so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
