he shaved USA in his pubs
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Randomize
