you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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