THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
