I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
