nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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