I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I need to sanitize my soul.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Randomize
