Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Two words: blizzard sex
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
