I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
