I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
