He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
