She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
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