well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Randomize
