you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
