just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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