My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
