in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
