So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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