I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
