I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
