This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Randomize
