he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
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